The inner world of a quiet child

Since realising I'm ADHD and autistic, an important part of my journey has been reframing past experiences, actions and feelings, and resetting the narrative I created to make sense of it all. It has been shocking, painful and empowering in different measures.

Looking back at my internal world as a young child is perhaps the least distressing part, but it's curious in terms of the early signs.

What I've realised since my autism diagnosis is how much of my life has played out in my head, and how little I've communicated with others. Sometimes that's because it didn't feel safe to, or because it was easier not to rock the boat. But often it was as if, just by having the thought or feeling, the information would be magically conveyed to the people who needed to know. It wasn't always that I kept my inner world hidden. It honestly didn't occur to me to tell anyone.

I see those little girls whose minds are whirring while their faces are almost expressionless, apart from their eyes, and their voices are silent.

I've worked with children for more than 25 years, and I recognise them now.

Few of my experiences were dramatic. There were a couple involving physical personal space… I find it hard to say sexual assault… but those aren't what I'm sharing here. These are the everyday experiences, and a taste of one child's whirling AuDHD internal world.

Part of my mission is to highlight the depth of what could be going on inside. Recognising that silence doesn't mean everything is OK is, I think and I hope, the first step to compassion, empathy and understanding.

I'm happy to share my experiences with schools to help them understand this invisible world. My experience is unique to me, but simply removing some of the judgement and assumption that can exist between adults and children would help us reach, and connect with, more of the children quietly battling their own secret experience of the world.

Working in a school?

I share my lived experience and 20 years in SEN with schools through training, talks and coaching, to help staff understand the invisible world of neurodivergent children.