Officially AuDHD

I feel like I did most of the emotional work before the assessment, if tears are an indicator, so I'm in a good place right now.

The process has felt like more of a journey than my ADHD diagnosis. ADHD felt so obvious that it was more of a rubber stamp on something I knew to be true. Autism was less obvious, because I couldn't see it myself, in myself. That's been the big realisation, and it's hard to get my head around. In part, I think it's been a question of acceptance.

For me, the assessment process was really important. I couldn't have self-identified, and continuing to understand myself as having autistic traits as part of my ADHD would have been doing myself a disservice. That's just me, how I am and where I am.

It felt as if the assessment was a safety net that allowed me to let go, there to catch me however I fell. And I did, hence the tears.

Now I feel I have more of the jigsaw pieces available to me, even if they're not quite in place yet. There's no grief or sadness, which you might expect. Not right now, anyway. Tomorrow may feel different.

This afternoon I explained to someone that I feel I'm still on the same path in life, but with a clearer perspective on where to place each footstep. As I write, I wonder whether, with the diagnosis and this new understanding, I've actually stepped onto another path, with a whole different gradient, direction, view and destination. I think it's possible.

I want to empower, eliminate fear, and help everyone, neurodivergent or not, to accept, celebrate and welcome difference.

I have a new focus, more defined, and my desire to reach out to others is on fire, probably more than ever. It's not just about sharing where I am now, but reaching out to the past me who was lost, confused, and held fixed ideas and ignorant beliefs about neurodivergence.

I know I need to spend more time and energy discovering new ways of being more of me, too. Hopefully there will be less floundering, less overwhelm, and fewer moments where I feel like Iggle Piggle's boat on a stormy sea (I have limited visualisation skills, and it's the one image that keeps popping up). Or at least more moments where I know to be kind to myself.

I'm looking forward to getting to know my AuDHD self better. There's a little voice in my head that still thinks that's a scary thing to say, but a bigger voice that feels relief and excitement, and wants to sing my favourite line from Espresso loud and proud.

Recently diagnosed, or starting to wonder?

Coaching gives you space to make sense of it all, at your own pace, with someone who has been there.